A Firstborn Through and Through.

Last Friday, I graduated with a masters degree in health science education through the University of Sydney (Australia). Due to financial constraints, we decided to fly up  to Sydney and back on the same day leaving at 6am and returning home at 11pm. I wanted to take my whole family, kids included, hoping they would catch a glimpse of what it is to achieve something important. They've had to put up with mummy's  intermittant assignmentitus, for the last four years. I also invited my mum, who lives in Queensland, to the ceremony. She too, decided to fly in and out on the same day. It would be a short ceremony at 9.30 am,  then a nice celebratory lunch and finally some sightseeing in the afternoon before heading home. Anyway the logistics were tight ! As families go,we are seasoned travellers and managed well.  We got to the uni in time, but parking was a little difficult and in the rush I left my purse, camera and baby bag in the car, causeing some angst but nothing I couldnt cope with. I recieved my award, we got  to see the Opera House and  mum caught her flight home without any problems.

As a true firstborn, I planned and executed the day effectively. I am academically driven, yet it wasnt always so. In  high school, I fluffed about, unsure of what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become. Friendships and fears drove my decisions back then.  But somewhere, in the midst of college years, I learnt the value  of life and time management. I like to achieve and show off my achievements.  I am event orientated. I like to write out goals and plan the steps to achieving those goals. Before this trip, I talked and planned and replayed in my head how this journey would transpire. It was great to plan. I hardly slept the night before we left, I was so excited.
                      

Before I married, I'd plan my new years resolutions, setting a list of 10 goals for the year, endeavouring to meet most of them . Id  hang the list of goals somewhere obvious i.e. on the wall beside the phone, on the fridge, on the toilet door or in my bible. Somewhere Id see them often, and ponder on them. I achieved a lot.
Then I married an atypical firstborn, unfamiliar with goal setting and list making, although administratively skilled. Achievements were viewed with a relaxed timelessness, and although important, were not structured  or planned for.  Where I  walked a straight line of  vision, goals, objectives and steps, my husband, ever the adventurer, would make his own curvey line all over the place, bouncing each achievement off another in any random direction. In my first few years of marriage, I encountered internal distress, as I struggled to write goals... my singular goals, but I was part of a couple now. I wanted to set fime frames and steps, restricting and restraining the adventurousness of  married life. In these years we achieved together, a house, 2 children, a job, church roles and friendships.  Eventually I came to a place of acceptance of the unpredictability of life and people. Although I still have some basic fundamental vectors in my life, my need for a 10 point list at the begining of each year is gone.  Walking towards an internal vision of my future,  I dont need to display goals on the wall to remind me. Its written on my heart and in my mind. Im  learning the art of bouncing off achievements, and being comforatble in not having to know exactly how and when and where the future leads. I am learning.

SO when our flights were cancelled at 10pm in Sydney, after our well executed day, I had one of those learning moments... We needed to find a motel, find transport, manage 3 sleepy tired children with  no nappies left, no clean clothes and arrange flights for the following day. I gingerly held it together and with some assistance from Avis rental girls  and some  quick prayers, we found ourselves in a luxurious motel, 5 mins from the airport, and looking at a second day of sightseeing before a late flight out. Its funny how things like that throw you. The second day was unplanned, heavy footed, hard to get moving, and bogged in grumpiness. Out of my comfort zone of control, I didnt enjoy it The kids ran a muck, unsure of what was happening next. I tried to make plans, butting heads with my hubby.  After brunch at 11am, we headed to the city, and spent 2 hrs sightseeing, before going to the airport. I didnt enjoy what could have been a good second day. What should have been a lovely, relaxed time with family was a stressful, tiring event.  Such a waste of an opportunity...something firstborns hate. So whats the message in this experience?   Well Im still learning. Its hard to change a firstborns tendancy. Its hard to change what is innate. We control and manipulate our surroundings  effectively to achieve the very best.  Firstborns can present in very different forms, and manifest that control in many varied ways. But this need to achieve, and know what is happening is common to all number ones. Its that natural leadership tendancy. It has alot of positive attributes but also has its negatives. Anyway  I look forward to planning how to be more flexible and enjoy the moments of adventurousness in marriage, family and  lifes achievements. If you are a first born, or know more about their specific characteristics, please feel free to shed some more light on this subject through the  comments.