This week we spent some time visiting a family who have boys the same age as all my girls and are in the same classes at school etc. My girls think these boys are great and I must say, that I think they are pretty amazing kids too. I often wonder what it would be like to live in a culture where you as the parents, arrange your children's marriages. Every time I meet lovely boys who have lovely parents, I think how nice it would be to have my girls marry into their family. But still I live in the real world, in Australia, and I want my children to have the same freedoms I have had, to make their own choice of marital partner etc. I don't think I would save them any heartache by choosing their partner for them. But I do think I can help save them from making mistakes in marriage by raising them well.
I believe my role as a parent is to help my kids understand that marriage is very important. It is to be valued and considered a precious institution, but is also vulnerable to life struggles and the level of attention given to its growth and development. It is to be treasured in spite of these difficulties in procurement and maintenance. I hope I can live it as well as tell it. I will tell them that its about a life time commitment, and when they look for a life partner, that some important characteristics should be present. These characteristics include the ability to love deeply and selflessly, the ability to acknowledge failure and wrong, and to be able to say sorry. Wisdom, adaptability and flexibility are also important characteristics I want them to look for too. Along with consistency, strong sound convictions and a good work ethic.
I could think of many others, but I also want my girls to realise that the man they marry will also be human and have his own faults too so I want them to be able to forgive and bring the same qualities to the marriage, to stand strong on their own convictions (which will hopefully echo those of their parents) and know what they will and wont tolerate. I hope and pray my girls will marry well and wisely, in a time of maturity, and that in the years ahead I will end up with 3 lovely, caring, Christian son- in -laws. I truely pray for this. I am starting while they are young, because their marriages are so important and even moreso as the days are coming.. But in the mean time, I am subjected to the experiences of child hood crushes and they are now beginning to occur.
My eldest daughter has had a crush on a class mate for about a year, and has told me over n over how she'd love to marry this boy, and how dreamy and nice he is to her. The "in" word is "dreamy"....... Groan! Ive tried to be laid back about it when she talks about this boy, and at times tried to offer a reality check, telling her that its unlikely that she will still feel the same way in 10 - 20 years time. After a funny conversation on the weekend, my eldest daughter discovered that what she was doing was actually daydreaming about this young boy, and that this was what people referred to as having a "crush". She didn't realise that that's what a crush was. It makes me wonder what did she think a crush was...?
I must remember to ask her. Anyway, I am waiting for the day when this boy has a fall from grace in her eyes and ceases to be her dream guy. I think all boyhood crushes do eventually fade don't they? I hope so... In the meantime, I guess I'll continue to be reminded of how nice, and how kind, and how funny, and how clever, and how dreamy this boy is and the many more boyhood crushes that come her way, until she finds the right one in twenty years time ( and not before if I have any say in the matter!).
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